21 years

I sit here on the eve of my 21st Birthday and I feel the need to be suitably melodramatic.

Alot has happened during my teenage years I have made some good choices, some bad choices and ultimately made and lost so many friends it is unbelievable, Most of these were lost upon my leaving college and despite assurances from all of us that this wouldn’t happen it did inevitably but a few stuck around long enough to make a difference to my life.

This being said I do not regret a single thing. There is no remorse tied to my choices and no bad feelings holding me back.The choices I made whilst not being the wisest and causing damage to others eventually led me to the situation I am in now and I assure this is a good thing. I have now been clean from drugs (other than a small amount of alcohol every now and then) for over 2 years. I have committed no crimes and am now a proud father and a husband but none of this would have been possible without making the choices I made. If I had chosen not to take drugs it is doubtful I would have never met Fi when crashing on a friends floor after a long night wondering around in the rain with some close friends on one of the most memorable nights of my life (not that she took drugs, it was a friend of a friend kind of thing). Without the drugs I would not have stolen (possibly) but these things happen for a reason and the lessons I learnt then were the lessons I needed to learn rather than what I wanted to hear.

Not once on my path have I blamed my ADHD despite it radically changing my perception of the world and my ability to understand basic human emotion, this is something I am still learning and doubt I will ever fully understand to the point of it not being an issue. My ADHD is part of me it is not a problem that needs treating and it is not something to be shunned as it has helped me pull through many rough patches and provided me with the drive to make something of myself. Finding the right people to talk to when it matters was the crucial turning point. I met someone who I will always respect, someone who as an adult is still dealing with ADHD and Bi-Polar but does it in such a soldiered way that we could learn a lesson from her.

This year finds me now about to launch my own Website with the backing of several major gaming publishers.Writing for several well known websites and making my name for myself. After christmas things will change again. With a possible internship and several freelance positions lined up on the horizon I am proof that if you try you can make any situation into a good one and in doing so I have seized my dreams and I do not plan on letting them go. Next year will also be busy with me continuing my Maths Degree through the Open University . I keep telling people Maths is cool but no-one listens.

As I said I am not sorry for the choices I made, without making them I would not be in this position now and to be remorseful or wish them to change would be to completely undermine how much I love what I have built. I would do them the same again if I was given the option.

I am going to disclose to you a piece of wisdom that a close and respected friend of mine recently passed to me despite spending so much time apart. I have adjusted it slightly.

Life is a chess board with you playing White and the rest of the world Black. While black is organised and playing by the rules you start with all your pieces in the wrong place and your goal is to re-align all your pieces to the right place. Pieces will be removed and new ones will be added in as you meet people and make choices and once they are all in place life is fine.The real battle starts there you must take your newly formed rankings and defend yourself until the last moment. Ultimately the rest of the world will win but so long as you put up a good fight that is all that matters.

I like to think I am in the process of aligning my pieces despite the ever proceeding army drawing closer and I will be ready when it is here. It will be interesting to see what turns the battle takes but I have never been more ready for it then I am now.

 

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~ by aelincorp on December 15, 2010.

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